Dear Momma,

 Tonight I sit here at 52 years of age and cry like a baby. Having my own pity party. Why?

 Right now I hurt on so many levels. Most and foremost I NEED you momma. This is the longest I have ever gone without you in my entire life. You have been gone now almost 2 months and instead of getting easier, everyday gets a little harder. I can't pick up the phone to ask you a question, I can't walk over to your house to sit with you a little bit, I couldn't tell you all about vacation, or make plans for the next family dinner. Tell you that a tv show is coming on that I know you want won't to miss. Have you tell me I'm going to be alright when I got 2nd degree burns on my side and stomach two weeks ago, to calm my anxiety attacks in the middle of the night three nights ago when Mimi's horse Laramie was killed in a freak accident and how her cat Knight died yesterday.

I want to tell you how Kasey reacted to your scent on your clothes the other day as we were going through them and how he licked your wedding ring when I held it up for him to see. That Bear is doing much better on the new medicine the vet put him on. How much Daddy really misses you and loves you. How restless he is.

I want to sit on the edge of the bed with you again as you do your breathing treatment and watch tv with you, discuss the bible, talk about John and Grandmomma and Granddaddy. Crack a joke for you and have you call me "Kimberly Hope" with that "I can't believe you just said that" tone in your voice. Tell me again how much you loved being our mother and that having us was the most important thing in your life.

I want to hear you laugh again over the phone when I call you and daddy and tell you that Kasey has come over to my house in the middle of the night again and daddy needs to come get him "because he is skert of the dark". 

I want to see daddy give you exactly 11 kisses again. Not 10 and not 12. Exactly 11 smooches on your lips every time he got ready to leave or go to bed. 

I want to go shopping with you again. Every Friday for over 30 years we did our shopping together. I miss that. I miss getting exasperated with you when I would have to stand around in the stores and wait on you while you would talk to everyone you saw. I miss taking your groceries in for you because you would be so exhausted. We leave at noon and not get home til sometimes 6 and 7pm.

I miss my phone ringing in the night at 2, 3 and even 4am and hearing you say, "talk to me, I feel like I am coming to pieces". How we would talk for hours about anything and everything and yet nothing. No subject was off limits.

I miss bringing you your extra thick milkshakes from "Ralph's" that you loved so much (which you didn't need you always said)

I miss you always telling me and Sissie how much you needed to get your hair cut. Seemed like every week it would be time to cut it again.

I want to smell your scent of Oil of Olay that you used every night. The smell of Downy that you used in your laundry. To watch you comb your hair and put on lipstick everyday before daddy would  come home from work.  I want to see you and grandmomma wiggle into those girdles you used to wear. Never leave home without one on.

But most of all right now momma, I want to hear you tell me one more time how much you love me, and I want to tell you how much I love you and miss you. I want to hear you tell me goodnight. And I want to cash in that "hug" we always talked about. Because Momma, right now I need you to hug me  so much.

I Love You Momma,

Kim